Rainbows and Kittens

So I'm alive.

Kinda sleepy, tired of opening, how much more ass is there to kiss before I get promoted?

There can't be much....
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What pisses me off most atm? TYRA BANKS.

She's not funny, she's not naturally pretty, and I hate her bangs.
But what I hate most is
how every pretty little prissy rich bitch wants to be her and so has recently gotten their bangs done.
Okay maybe "Tyra" didn't start the fad, but she's contributing to it. Not many gals can pull it off to STOP.

Like my DM. I mean.. seriously.. WTF?
Maybe i just hate my DM and that transfers over to me hating Tyra Banks because they have the same
hair cut?

Meh.

Lets just say I like neither.

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I woke up today. Next to Dani.
Well he actually woke me up. But its so nice seeing him before I venture off to work.

Tomorrow I'm so looking forward to sleeping in next to him.

"don't wake me i plan on sleeping in"

Though I know I should probably try to get up early to prevent a sleepless night tomorrow and a tired ass
open on Monday... I think I"ll sleep in.

I love Deathcab for Cutie.

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I think i shall crash now. Goodnight world.

I love looking at a person from several different angles and trying to analyze then.

I think I've recently met someone who, i believe, does the same. Which then made me question...

How do they see me?

And then... to answer my own question I started analyzing myself.


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I've come to the conclusion that I'm a very shy girl.
No, maybe not. Perhaps I just don't handle group settings well.

But I definitely am one of those people who take to new people very slowly.
I meet many people but will only let a very select few close to me.
And when I meet new peoples I am always at a loss of what to talk about.
I group myself in with those who always have something to say so its something i don't have to worry about.

Sociability is not one of my strengths.

(probably because i overanalyze situations and while trying to come up with the best approach, waste time and lose the interest of people, then am immediately labeled as shy or quiet)

I have tried to just blurt out what i think or say (like tons of the social people do), but then unlike them
I worry i could offend and would rather keep my mouth shut then hurt someone around me.

Often I stress too much over etiquette in settings where its not necessary.

So who am I? A simple girl who likes to keep organized and to herself with only a select group of friends around?

Maybe I am too picky. Still i seek attention from the rest of the world through my music, art and posts.

I long to be accepted.

And now i'm rambling.

I don't wish I was someone else... i just wish sometimes i could be a bit more sociable.

Both the video creator and the song writer, i love them!



this makes me think of Dani =D

I suppose I should let the sheep out.

Its just rock, appreciation smells worse when it's been cooked harder.

Books like to ring themselves. I didn't think they would.

I suppose its just life.

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No. That's silly.

I'd just like a little surprise now and then.

You can say things till you're breathless.

But his problem was the same.

The american dollar, and the lack of actions.

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Oh PMS... how i love you.


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[Edited]

I need to let things go. Dani truly is amazing.

I just need to give him space, give him time to recuperate.

Let people do things on their own timeline rather than conforming to my own.


He left a trail of yellow roses for me today. Three of them pinned to the ceiling with a
note posted on each one... and then the rest of the 7 in a bunch pinned up above our bed.

He's going to be mine forever. =)

I've changed my page!

I shall post later i gotta go to bed...

i get up at ridiculous o'clock tomorrow.

Woot.

So for this past week i've been living in my new place with Dani!

Its been nice. Drawbacks are cooking and cleaning everything.
(it was nice when mom did that for me)

But its nice to have exactly what i want when i want it.

I'm really happy.

My poor mom keeps calling me all the time.
And i miss Will, but I'm having fun.

=D hurray!

I <3 life.

Stupid girly moods upset me, and I was having one yesterday. So POO on that!

I realized today, I really do enjoy my job.
Spending a little more time looking from the outside in
(rather than the other way around)
helped me remember that.
I'm working hard so I can make it on my own.
All in all, its completely worth it.

HAPPY FACE! 8D

Struggling today.

Not sure what with.

Fear? Belonging? Maybe...

I'm kinda down. Maybe I just need sheep. (yes... sheep)

I miss Dani and I want Zombie to stop clawing at my leg.



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I'd rather not be opening tomorrow.

Whatever happened to "we have the kind of friendship we don't need to see each other every day" "we can be apart for months on end and pick right back up like we never parted"

Yeah that does hurt me. You selfish little brat.

Yeah I do love you. And i care and i really treasure our friendship.
But sometimes when people go through things...
when mommy and daddy aren't they happiest of people...
when you're forced to take extra shifts to cover your own ass...
and when you are forced LEAVE the home you grew up in...
because you're dad's jobless and selling the house...
and the rest of your family could be put out on the street...

Well... miss prissy bitch..

Sometimes... You just don't have time to go out to dinner, and to play tennis.

So post a bulletin... to let all your friends on myspace know that Joyce is ditching you and she's a horrible person. Let em know that you've put up with her "bullshit" long enough... tell them how she's mistreated your friendship and how you won't put up with it anymore. But don't tell them what's been happening to her. Don't even bother to ask.

Just seek attention from the rest of the world, instead of sending her a personal message. Thanks alot.

Give me a fucking break.

I'm sleepy, but not really tired.

I hate opening.

I love my sweetheart.

I hate that gooey nasty conditioner that always seems to end up in my ears after i shower...
even if i took special care to wipe them out.

My stupid tooth aches.

I'm gonna go to bed. I miss sleeping next to my love. =::(

So i was driving home, and it makes me so happy that "Albertson's" is now going back to Luckys.

It reminds me of when i was younger, and we really couldn't afford food from the normal grocery store..
so we'd shop at like The Canned Food Warehouse, or Food4Less. Then on those really special occasions mom would take me to Lucky's and let me pick out one single item i really wanted. And it didn't matter if it was offbrand or not. =) it was usually a nice cereal.. like Kix... ooh i love Kix.

I wish we had some now.

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I really wanna move out with Dani.

I think i'd be in much less of a funk, if i was finally out of my parents house.

I've been in this funk lately, and i think its because i'm realizing i'm almost 22 and still live at home with Mommy and Daddy... ugh =/ that needs to change.

Oh so this year was amazing! Sure i didn't really get what i wanted most.. but the company was perfect.

Dani is incredible to be around during the holidays.... sweet, romantic, and interesting enough to make dull conversation with the older family interesting.

That and his damn smile could light up one of those huge jetsized underground caves filled with batshit and cockroaches.

*sigh*

Certain things he says really rub me the right way =) he made one of those comments today.
I can't help but melt everytime i hear them, because they reinforce all those wonderful feelings
he has toward me, without actually saying it. yup he's perfect.

but i suppose i'll stop rambling about my perfect boyfriend.

Zombie is laying in my lap right now with her head rested on my arm that's draped over the keyboard.
She's adorable.

It really pissed me off right now. Zombie is of course in my room, and can't be out in the rest of the house when the devil cat is in. So I asked my mom if i could put Sarah out so I can open my door and let the heat in (since i don't have a heater vent in my room, unless my door is open its freezing in here). And she said No. And then later made a smartass remark to my dad when she thought i wasn't in earshot. "how about we put HER out", her being Zombie. =( I love my kitten! She's my baby.

Now my mom is coughing... that makes me happy. ^^ hurray for bitter old religious women being sick!

I don't want to be at home right now. I don't like hotpocket pot pies and i want to be curled up in a blanket in our apartment. How perfect would that be.

Anywho i've got to sneeze and Zombie needs more petting.

oh in short. Best Christmas ever. I hope we spend many many MANY more together.

all i can think about atm in my sleepy state is Dani.

Everything from that sweet smile, gentle touch, to the purest heart I think i've ever met.

I don't think a girl could ever be more in love.

I'm gonna sleep well tonight.

I'm not so incredibly tired.
But i open with Brian Crawford in the morning. Hurray.
Clean clean squeeky clean, i hope i'm a barista...
I'd rather not be his supervisor.

I'm a stupid girl.
I'm here in my room, daydreaming, when reality is so far away.
-Its all whites and blacks and silvers and purples. You know.. flowers and smiles.-
I've got my mind set that my daydream is real and that life will conform to my imagination.
But then. I make a phone call.
And i'm wrong.
*sigh*
No one's fault.
Its not like my dreams are crushed. I'm just not as fullfilled as i'd like to be.
I suppose it is kind of wrong to want more.
I get a ton as it is.
Silly me.
Well i can go to bed unfulfilled.

=/ or can i?

I know you're the only one who checks my live journal. And i kinda like it that way.

So i'll put this letter up for you to read.

Dear Dani!

I really cannot get you off my mind tonight. The fact you arn't here is driving me crazy.
I just want to see you so bad. Wrap my arms around you, fall asleep next to you.
I know its only been 6 months but I feel a stronger connection with you then I have with anyone else.
Which makes being away from you even more difficult.

And its nothing big and exciting i want to do, just play with your messy long hair, scratch your back,
and maybe watch a little futurama.

When you come back I'll be so happy to see you.. i just wish we could stay the night together,
like in Sac. Oh i miss those nights. So I just keep dreaming about when we'll have enough money to move out together, and how that will progress. I have a wandering imagination. It thinks pretty far ahead.

Well i do work early tomorrow... i suppose i'll try again to get some sleep.

Just know I love you as much as inhumanly possible =).

Love,

Joyce.

So today i was suppose to go to my class.

I didn't.

I went to the Shift meeting however.
And I'm being put in charge of the warming foods, juices and high volume SKUs.
I like that idea, because i am a bit more familiar with those duties having done them at Berryessa and King.

It was nice at the meeting, i got to hear about everyone's downfalls, which made me feel like
maybe i'm not an inferior shift afterall. I've always had this mental image of me lacking even if i was
excelling compared to my peers at the Berryessa Store. Seeing as none of us were giving the fomral training
I've always assumed I was lesser compaired to shifts from other stores. But going to this meeting
i realize that's not so true. And i do feel a bit better about myself. Which is a huge relief.

I think my biggest weaknesses right now are the cash handling.. which i simply need to read the
monthly updated sheet on handling in the book and my lack of knowledge on how this store runs their shifts.

In the upcomming weeks, i'm doing only opening and midshifts. The opening worries me a bit because
their store is a bit busier than mine was.. but i'll manage. Hopefully they have a ton of strong baristas that will
help me out.

Anywho.. enough about work.

I came home and yet again, mom hadn't made dinner. Which is fabulous because I have absolutally no money,
no gas and to top it off, there really wasn't much in the fridge. SO! Me and my apparently crafty self,
decided to make up a lil something out of nothing. I grabbed some tomato soup out of the pantry, some spinach and mushrooms that were in the fridge and made a sautee. the tomato soup was fine on its own, but for the spinach mushroom sautee, i just used butter, salt, pepper, onions, garlic, parmasian cheese, and a bit of cooking sherry. Yummie!!!! It twas good.

So! another bummer...
I don't get paid until way after christmas.. =/ the 28th. its soo frustrating. I have so many people
that i want to get special things for... but i can't. *sigh*

oh well. I suppose i'll manage. Somehow.

...one last thing.

I don't feel like playing WoW lately. What's wrong with me?

Dani is in Sac =(.... i'm sad. I can't wait for him to get back on Monday ^.^

... having to call in =/

and worse, is that this is my first week!!!

ughhhhh i know he only sounded frustrated because it's morning rush time.
Atleast i'm not calling in on a functional day right?

Right?


blarg.

and i have these horrible cramps. Cramps Cramptastic.
And i'm doing my girl thing! but i'm not even suppose to be right now!!!
I hate medicine.

its screwing with me.

and its collllddddd.

i wish i had a heater in my room.

and and now.. Dani is leaving... /sigh.

I miss him already =(

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Maybe i can make today a good one... somehow...

lets turn it around.. but first....

MORE ADVIL!

HELLO ZOMBIE....

I am currently listening to the Garden State Soundtrack. I love that movie.

I love love love it. Even if the garden state is New Jersey.

I love Miss Portman and the Braff man.

I don't usually like movies.

But this one. yes i do.

Then again, i suppose there are obvious reasons for this, that no longer have relevance.

Well no, they do. If nothing else, I've learned tons of things from people that don't wear seatbelts when their friends make stupid decisions. (You can put your seatbelt back on by the way)
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I met he cutest little... well... large.. pregnent lady today. Miss Crystal. She's a sweetheart.
Teaches the Starbucks Experience worshops and holds regular classes for District Managers.

Maybe if i'm lucky one day i'll attend on of the DM classes.

But that's going to take a whole lot of busting my ass and kissing everyone else's.

I think i'm up for it.
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I really don't feel like going to bed yet.

I feel like wandering the world with Dani at the moment.

Maybe drinking a cup of mint tea underneath an umbrella table with him.

Going somewhere green where we can both feel alive.

I want to frolic in the mist.

go off into a forest full of snow.

and lay down with him among the trees in the powder and collect snowflakes on my face.
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I was talking to Ayms today.

She helps me to realize how unreal what we have is.

It really is amazing.

Something i never thought i deserved or would ever find.

real. love.

*sigh*

SEE!!! this soundtrack is bad for me!!! i get all lovey dovey and mushy!...

I use to get sad, and upset.. but...

thats why i know, i'm headed the right direction.

^^

enough of my blabbering... i'll be yelling at myself in about 7 hours if i don't get to bed now.

goodnight.

I like that the posting page... is completely white.

It leaves room for your own color.

Anyway.

Life has been fabulous.
At times a bit boring when i decided that i'm lame and want to stay home all the time.

I may not like movies, but Dani had me watch Time Machine recently.
It was fabulous. It had everything from a love story to a time machine, to possible life answers and yes..
even a crazy looking villan.

Dani. This boy. He's something special. Its a shame that i just can't express it as much as i want.
Its simply not possible to feel this way. But it is. I have alot of dreams. I do hope the come true.
If this were a private blog.. i'd elaborate a bit more but it is not.

sorry i'm not a twiggy ass freek.

but to call me a pig?

might be a bit much.

I'm soo fucking tired of these good for nothing loosers calling me fat.

don't they have anything better to do to make their world a happier place? .. like.. commit suicide..

fuck them, fuck ideal images of women, i am who i am.

and i'm fine with that.
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i wish i was thinner.